The COVID-19 Pandemic has changed so much about the way we go about our daily activities and created numerous scenarios that at one time would’ve seemed unimaginable. When I became a teacher, I didn’t think I’d ever have a day where I’d “work from home” like my friends in other professions, but here I am, working from home.
The amount of love and genuine interest in how I’m doing with teaching online that I’ve received from family members and friends is so heartwarming during this uncertain time, but I keep noticing myself trying to find ways to dodge the conversation topic of my online classroom. Well, I think I’ve finally figured out why.
When you ask me, “How’s it going in your virtual classroom?” I really want to say, “No matter what answer I give you, it will make me feel like a complete fraud.”
The transition to online learning has brought on a huge range of emotions for me, and I find myself experiencing the extremes when it comes to my virtual classroom.
If you catch me at a moment when I’m full of positivity and you ask me about my virtual classroom, you’ll probably get one of the following responses…
“It’s getting a little better each day!”
“It’s really not that bad!”
“It’s going well- We’re making it work!”
After I give any of these responses, I catch myself thinking, “Seriously? Did you really just say that?”
I feel like such a fraud after telling somebody “it’s going well,” because in reality, I feel like I can’t keep my head above water. I’m trying to virtually teach engaging, differentiated, live lessons while staying up to date with emails, as well as grade papers in a timely fashion and attend meetings, while also checking in on the well-being of my students from a distance. By the end of the day, I feel pretty defeated. Then, when I try to distract myself after the work day is over by scrolling through social media, I stumble upon beautiful pictures of at-home classroom setups that teachers have created in their homes, and then I just think to myself, “I really need to be doing more.” So yeah, I feel like a fraud for saying things are going well.
But, do you know what else makes me feel like a fraud? Giving any of the responses that you might get if you ask me how my virtual classroom is going while I’m having a stressed or negative moment. For example…
“It’s really challenging.”
“I’m so over it.”
“Today was really rough.”
As soon as I fire off any of these responses, I immediately begin to call myself out. How can I possibly complain about my situation when I’m working from the comfort of my own home and still getting my paycheck exactly when I’m supposed to? I work in a place where all of my students have been given access to an electronic device to continue their academics during a pandemic and I’m just “so over it?” Give me a break.
Do you see what I mean? I never feel like I’m giving an accurate, appropriate answer in any of my responses, which is why from now on, I’m going to go with this:
“My students and I are doing the best that we can.”
Saying that doesn’t make me feel like a fraud.
Stay safe & healthy!
xo LR
This was so well-said. I have been struggling with the same feelings, and I was unsure how to verbalize them, let alone how to think about them in a sensible fashion. Thank you for writing this piece. I hope that others read and reflect, especially those outside of or tangential to the virtual teaching classroom.
You offer others so much by being real and vulnerable. I love the answer you came up with. It is honest and empowering!
I’m an elementary gifted teacher and completely empathize with your feelings about virtual learning. I suffer from indecisiveness. I don’t want to do too much or too little, but every child and their family is in a different place, so no matter what we do, it’s not going to work for all. As a result, I’ve just focused on trying to support and making resources abs myself available.
Yes! We have been struggling and when people ask I say every day is a new day and we try again. I don’t feel like it is getting any better but some days are better than others. Thank you so much for writing this.
Great perspective. I know several teachers working through the same issues, continually struggling with keeping students engaged from afar. We are in strange times and while our child is not even a year old, there is still an appreciation for what you’re doing as a teacher!