The few weeks after my 26th birthday were some of my most interesting and challenging on a personal level (so far, at least). A global pandemic was and still is fully present and more complicated than ever, the profession that I love was and still is changing drastically, my serious relationship ended, and I was just generally feeling kind of lost.
My original plan was to run away to a beach in Costa Rica for a month as soon as the last day of school came around, but that didn’t work out, because again, the whole global pandemic thing. Instead, I found myself typing every variation of “best advice for 26-year-old” into Google and hoping for some magical piece of advice that would bring me full clarity. I was disappointed time after time because I could only read slightly different versions of “just be yourself and everything will work out!” so many times.
While laying out on various (domestic) beaches, I channeled my energy and frustration into reflection and started thinking really hard about my experiences thus far in my 20s and what they’ve truly taught me. It turns out a lot of the cliches that I used to scoff at are actually pretty accurate. Hopefully my random thoughts and revelations can do something for the next lost 26-year-old on an internet search for guidance…
1. Always take the high road. I know I just said that I had a realization that cliche phrases aren’t so dumb after all, but I don’t believe the whole “nice guys finish last” thing. While it is important to not let people walk on you, being kind is never a bad idea. If you feel angry, take a moment to reflect, put yourself in the other person’s shoes or try to look at the situation as an outsider, and then react. I’ve regretted things that I’ve said or done in the heat of a moment when I felt wronged, but I’ve never regretted showing kindness and compassion. When appropriate, give people the benefit of the doubt.
2. Do not let anyone put you down. While I believe kindness is key, there is a difference between being kind and displaying self-respect. If somebody makes comments about your appearance, belittles your career, or says anything else in an attempt to make you feel small, it isn’t about you, it’s about them. People put others down when they’re insecure or unhappy, and it probably has nothing to do with you. Do not accept this treatment and don’t be afraid to respectfully stand up for yourself.
3. Actively work on your relationship with your parents. First of all, I am acknowledging that I am incredibly lucky to have 2 living, amazing parents with whom I have a great relationship. I’m totally guilty of having been in the 16-year-old “you don’t get it, mom & dad!” phase for probably way too long. I’ve deeply realized that my parents have been the ones to pull me through to the other side during my darkest times, and are always the first ones to celebrate my accomplishments. My relationship with my parents really has changed as I’ve gotten older, and I’ve grown to appreciate them in a way that I never would have understood 10 years ago. If you can, spend time with your parents and tell them that you love them. Embrace the changing relationship dynamics and keep in mind that they were once 26.
4. Having a significant other cannot and will not complete you. The whole “you can’t truly love somebody until you love yourself” is a real thing. A really real thing. I spent a good part of my early 20s basing my self-worth on what boys thought about me. When I finally started working on my relationship with myself and showing myself love, my whole perspective changed, and I became a much happier person. You need to be complete on your own before closely welcoming somebody into your life. Your partner will never complete you. Seriously, you need to be complete on your own. Your partner should bring you joy and add to your life, and vice versa, but your sense of who you are needs to be complete before they come around.
5. Having good, true friends is really important. I believe in having a quality over quantity approach when it comes to friends. I’m very fortunate to have great friends from different stages of my life, and I have been conscious of who I keep close. There is nothing wrong with having a lot of acquaintances or social friends, but having true friends that you can trust with your secrets and problems has gotten me through so many tough situations. These are also the people that I have the most fun with and laugh more than I’ve ever imagined possible.
6. When your friends warn you about something, there is usually a good reason for it. Something that I really appreciate about my close friends is that they can be brutally honest when it is necessary. Don’t take advice from just anyone, but if someone that you truly trust and cherish as a friend voices a concern, it is probably out of a place of concern and love. It’s not always necessary to go the defensive route with a person that you trust.
7. ^With that being said, take advice with a grain of salt (including this blog post). My friends have given me plenty of advice on a variety of topics, and while they’re usually right, I do believe that sometimes you need to go through things and make mistakes on your own in order to learn. True friends will be there to pick you up when you hit bottom after not listening to their advice. While I believe that a good friend giving advice is usually coming from a good place, at the end of the day you need to do what works best for you and what makes you happy.
8. Never take your own health or anybody else’s health for granted. Taking care of my physical and mental health isn’t something that I imagine myself regretting later. Exercising regularly, practicing mindfulness, and eating well are things that make me feel happier and better physically and mentally, and I plan to continue. With that being said, listen to your body. Go to the doctor if something seems off. Just because you do everything right, doesn’t always mean everything will always be right. Seemingly perfectly healthy people can get very sick too, and it’s a brutal and terrifying truth. Look out for not only yourself, but the people you love, too.
9. Your job is a job, and maintaining balance is key. I know this isn’t the case for many people, but I love my job. I’ve been told that my eyes light up whenever somebody asks about my job. I could talk about it for hours. But, at the end of the day, I always remind myself that it is a job, not my whole life. When I graduated college, I moved back home with my parents to go to grad school full time. I would always feel like I was “behind” because my friends were getting their first jobs and starting their careers, and I was still a student. My dad used to always say, “Enjoy your life for what it is now. Work will always be there.” Turns out, he was absolutely correct. (He always is). I have to check in with myself regarding work because I have a tendency to overdo it or get over involved when I shouldn’t, which usually ends with feelings of resentment and this is something that I don’t ever want to be permanent. Seriously, it’s your job. Don’t be afraid to treat it like one.
10. If something feels off, it usually is. The “go with your gut” thing? Yeah, that’s a cliche that I really like. Trust your instincts and know that red flags are real. If you need to have an internal battle with yourself about whether something made you feel strange, it probably did, and that’s okay, but remember it and acknowledge it to yourself.
11. It’s crucial to feel your feelings no-anesthesia. Running away from your feelings doesn’t work. Trust me, I’ve tried. Whether you distract yourself enough to convince yourself that you’re “fine,” find yourself at the bottom of a bottle, or use some other method, whatever you’re trying to avoid is going to come back and hit you harder than you could’ve ever imagined possible. Learning to face my feelings head-on and really, really, truly experience them is something that has helped make getting through difficult situations much more manageable. It’s scary, but it’s way less scary than when feelings you thought were gone come back stronger than ever.
12. Social media is not everything. I have a love-hate relationship with social media. It is an extremely valuable tool in today’s day and age, but it can also be very detrimental. If you find yourself comparing your life to another person’s, we’ve all been there. My advice? Stop. I deleted all of my social media off of my phone for a week and I was amazed at how much more productive I was and how much happier I was when the only life I was comparing mine to was mine.
13. Read constantly. Books, articles, blog posts, fiction, nonfiction, whatever works for you. Always be reading something. Reading opens up your thinking to new perspectives and can always teach you something. We get so caught up in our own lives, and sometimes it can be useful to see life through another person’s eyes by reading their work. This is something that always brings me back down to the ground. Seriously, read.
I’m well aware that the lessons I’ve been lucky enough to learn in my 20s so far are specific to my experiences and way of living. My hope is that something written here can be relatable to someone.
This wasn’t meant to be an overly-curated, perfect blog post, because that’s not what life is like. I just started writing and it felt good.
To my 26-year-old self: You will be absolutely fine.
Much love,
LR xo
